Under 3 – Tenth week of training

Another week of training is done, one less run but all the others were a bit longer. With some build in speed parts and hill training. I was a bit tired at the beginning but at the end of the week it all went better. Lot’s of rain and wind as well all week, I don’t mind a bit of rain but every training gets a bit too much.

This is the first week of a serie of weeks where the amount of kilometers gets too an all-time high. In order too get me into marathon mode if you like. The long run was especially cold , wet and even some hail too accompany me on this 32 Kilometer long run. I started out early and after a few km’s in, I was already soaked. So I decided too ditch all the watching the hart rates , speeds etc on my watch and just focus on running and enjoying a nice pace.

After the first half the rain got a bit lesser, and even the sun showed up sometimes. It went very well and also my gel intake was up too par. I wasn’t really fatigued at the end and my muscles were not sore after and not the next day.

It also was pretty fast, I did however got some rain damage along the way but it wasn’t too bad. A very good week again despite tired me starting out.

Onto the next one !

Fear

Fear, my biggest fear ? Losing control, or more accurate losing the illusion of control. I have always wanted too have as much control over my life as possible. More often than not pushing it too the extreme. Combining this with setting high demands for myself and big goals, I made it quite difficult for myself to really have control. Not in ways of getting towards my goals but controlling myself.

Eventually my biggest fear became reality, I now only have limited control over my life. The daily condition of my brain determines what I can and cannot do that day and it makes for a lot of unexpected moments. Offcourse I do all I can controlling this. It’s my nature.

The difference with the past is I am not trying too force this at all costs. All I can do is plan well , exercise and train well and rest. Controlling everything simply costs too much of my valued and scarce resource , energy.

It had taught me that living in the moment is very valuable, you simply cannot control every aspect of your life. You can work on creating the conditions and environment too increase your chances of achieving your goals, and thats an attitude I recommend too everyone. But in the end you are reliant on so many factors and moments that there is a point at which it simply does not make sense trying to control more. You end up in an illusion, and you keep pushing for more influence on a increasingly smaller effect on the outcome of events.

Energy better spend on fun things in life, or activity’s which you can do in reaching your goals. Not just trying too control everything.

It’s strange how you always fall back on old instincts , which have taken me far in life and still my discipline , controlling nature and perseverance take me far today. But in the past these attributes were in my way a lot of the time. It backfired numerous times when achieving my goals. Controle became a goal in itself. There was no more logic.

Now there is more acquiescence, frustration about my failing brain is still there, and also acceptance is a long way down the line, but this has given me the insight in the simple fact you can better put your energy in little steps towards a goal , the using it too control stuff you can’t. Or obsess over details. Problems will arise anyhow, and when they do , I will deal with them.

My life has a lot more direction and focus , and is more relaxed than it used too be. Everything is a bit smaller, at a lower pace. Unnecessary fear is bad guidance , and working at overcoming this fear is a very valuable side effect too my brain damage. I doubt if I would have ever gotten it otherwise.

Februari 2019 – Dividend

Oops , almost forgot to write this post entirely. The Februari dividend update. This month only 1 position that pays it’s dividends. Apple being the one. My Februari dividend income has always been the worst month of the year. Probably the reason I forgot about writing about it. But in stead of combining it with March, I decided too report Februari separately. Quick one this time.

Anyway Februari did indeed produce dividends. A bit less than last year, exchange rates are against me , taking it down 14%. But exchange rates are just a fact. I am not doing anything in the way of compensating for these fluctuations , the portfolio is simply far too small. Well see you in March for the next dividend update.

The numbers :

DateStockCurrencyAmount
14-02-2018AppleEUR9,77
TotalEUR9,77

Goals and finance.

Goals, or dreams. Everyone got them. Goals often start out as a dram, slowly the dream develops into a goal. The easy steps are often taken swiftly. Let’s take a big trip, or better yet a world trip as an example. Travel guides are quickly purchased , a shiny new notebook and a pen for writing down the ideas as well. Let’s start the party ! Long train commutes from and to work are futile ground for plotting the country’s , places and other things to visit on this world tour. It makes you feel better during the day as well, happy days. The notebook quickly fills up, and after a few months it’s almost full.

After all the fun stuff the practical side of things kicks in, the how when and why kick in. And also it will cost a ton of money. Slowly but surely the newly acquired travel guides disappear and the notebook lands on the pile of unfinished projects.

How does this happen ? Well the dreaming and figuring out the fun stuff is new and exciting, it gives you energy. But how do you manage going from the dream to the goal and actually making it happen ?

Don’t get me wrong, dreaming and working on the first part of the goal is a necessary tool for getting off the ground. Keep at it. But make sure the pile of unfinished projects doesn’t get too big. It’s not fun having a large amount of ever growing unfinished projects , worse it demotivates.

As soon as the fun part is over, our world travel plan has a near definitive shape the ‘boring’ part begins , taking care of the logistics of it all. How about the job , house , cats and dogs ? And how are we going to pay for all of this ? Most projects get some start in the way of the hard part. But at some point doubt sets in , some practical solutions may end up in the notebook but for most that’s it.

What does this tell you ? Is it the doubt about the achievability at this moment ? Wait another year ? Or is this dream simply not suitable for you ?

The last question might be the most important one. Is this dream, which along the way has the shape of a goal and a project really worth all your time and a large part of your future time money and energy ?

Think long and hard about all of the dreams you had the last few years, write them all down on a piece of paper. Get the old notebooks out en relive the process. Look at it with one question in mind , how badly do I want this ? Do I really want this world trip ? Or is it just because a lot of people seem to be doing it? Is it an escape from something else ?

Really take your time ! And pick 3 goals you are passionate about , with a limited time frame in which you want to achieve them. Take the easiest one first, let’s say staying in the travel examples, take a citytrip too Valencia. Get out your calendar out and pick a date.

In comes the finance part, make an estimate of expenses, the traveling, hotel and daily budget. Put it all in a nice excel sheet and calculate what it takes too save up for it in the time you have before you go. Even if you have the finances ready, do it to get used too making a sacrifice for your goals.

It teaches discipline and persistence , cancel a night out on the town , or make more creative plans which cost less money. Or make plans to get the money with a new side hustle.

After this first goal , you take it of your list of 3 goals and start the second one. Don’t add more goals too the list until you finish all 3. This is important, it teaches you if your selection process is a valid one. Maybe one was not as fun as it was supposed too be. And it keeps you from being distracted. As soon as all 3 goals are done, you asses them. Were all 3 goals as good as I dreamt ? How much effort went into them and was it worth it ? As soon as this is done you can repeat the process and start over. Let the dreaming begin , and with a better self knowledge you can pick better goals. Have fun dreaming !

Under 3 – Seventh and eight week of training

2 weeks of training already over, forgot posting last week. Anyway back again. Week 7 went well. Bit harder because of a lack of sleep and a lesser recovery. Which you will notice , but by paying attention too my body I could manage the training load pretty well. It took a little longer than usual before I got into a comfortable rhythm. Fortunately after the training is done it always feels good and I got an empty mind. All very good benefits.

Week 8 was a lot easier then week 7. Thanks too some adjustments in my overall planning and getting more rest moments pushing it a bit in training went a lot smoother. This week was the first week we got to a 30 K long run. Lot’s of rain and wind and it took a while before the auto pilot kicked in. After 8 K all went smooth and the right mindset and feeling were there. Did a bit of experimentation with gels on route and none of them were a problem for the stomach or otherwise. This is usually the case but better test it beforehand.

The recovery on this beautiful Monday is good as well, no funny pains and or sore muscles. This week the program is somewhat less demanding since I got a half marathon next weekend. A trail run , looking forward on pushes the limits a bit on this one. Let’s see how it goes!

Under 3 – Sixth week of training

This is week 6 already, a though one because of the busy week I had, which had its fall out when training. I skipped one run and took it a bit easier in the other runs and workouts. Also took some extra rest when possible. I am still happy with this week however , because I could largely maintain a good pace and despite the fatigue I could also do most of the training.

In ways of running speed I have some progress too make. The long run tempo’s and faster paces I can cope with just fine, just the hart rate is a tad too high. My next marathon will most likely not see a sub 3 hour finish. I still keep training for it and see how far it takes me. Because if you not train for it, you will never reach your goal. See you all next week !

Mortgage free ?

Mortgage free , a goal a lot of people aspire nowadays. It’s how I got started viewing my finances differently and more specifically my take on risk. I went on paying off as much as I could as fast as I could. The math was extremely simple, I had an interest rate on my mortgage of 5,35 % and was getting 0,25% or thereabouts on my savings acount.

This turned out to be a smart move , especially when bying a new house, there was some money left after selling the old house and clearing the old mortgage. This made the proces easier , there was no need for stretching towards the maximum lending capacity. We carried on paying off the mortgage at the same pace. The math was still in out favor, despite getting a significant lower interest rate of 2,7%. In the mean time the savings account produced only 0,05%. Full disclosure , I do not take into account any tax reductions or other tax advantages because they differ for everyone.

At some point I became aware of the fact that nothing in terms of housing was cheaper than any of the alternatives. Including a maintenance provision. All other alternatives like renting or buying a smaller house are more expensive. Even social housing is costs more , which I do not qualify for.

So all other alternatives are pricier. I started wondering if my extra mortgage payments still made sense. Isn’t it better investing these sums in other more liquid investments ? The mortgage will take care of itself in the remaining time the mortgage still has too run.

For me the answer was yes, simple math with a return of 5% gets me more money at the end of the line and the money is available, it’s more liquid.

Isn’t this simply hedging the mortgage against more riskier investments ? Yes it is , I am using the time and the debt in the house too take on more riskier investments. Brings us back too risk, what is the risk ? I live in the house and in the current market there are no opportunities in finding something cheaper. The biggest risk is I can’t afford the mortgage payments anymore. And this would mean finding cheaper housing when that happens, which isn’t available.

It’s now time for kicking my habit of extra monthly payments and the little voice in my head saying , just get rid of the mortgage ! So I am taking these monthly extra payments and putting them in my ETF portfolio. Then at some point , likely faster I will simply have the remaining mortgage sum in liquid investments , which means I could at that point pay it off in full.

A very reasonable risk if you ask me.

Under 3 – Fifth week of training

Time flies, another week of training in the books. A lot of rain during all sessions except for my long run of 22 K . Lucky me. I am getting in my stride a lot better. Hart rates are down , also when running higher paces. Which is great but the biggest win this week is getting a sense of rhythm. It all feels lighter, simpler , there is less need thinking about where too put my feet. Also my posture is improving slowly.

I am thinking this is down too Yoga, which has a lot of focus on breathing and maintaining the right or better posture. It has me convinced this is a very good addition, which as a very nice bonus also incorporates a lot of strength training. I must admit I always found yoga a bit out there , not for me. But that’s changed a lot. It’s just very beneficial for your mind and body.

I am nowhere near performing all the poses and transitions in a smooth way, but who cares. I am surprised at how fast progression is actually made , even by me. I would encourage anyone to give it a good go for a longer period, just too see how it affects your body and mind. It takes a bit of getting used too but the benefits will show themselves pretty quickly.

Hopefully this week will be as good as the last.

3 years later

It has been 3 years already , since my brain injury, a sort of 3th anniversary combined with my 39th as it were. It has been a year of learning, yet again about dealing with the inevitable limits caused by permanent brain damage. Most notably the realization that there is, in fact a limit in what I can achieve. Building at expanding my activities in the way of work, social life and all other activities is not something I can do limitless. Although this was always in the back of my head, by planning meticulously and adding slowly that I somehow could return to my old levels, and in a way my old self.

As it turns out , that’s not the way it works, last year I upped my working hours towards 8 hours per week, first in 2 days and later on spread out over 3. It all seemed to work out, at least this was the initial feeling. Until the fatigue hit me and it took a couple of months in recovery getting back.

So I will keep it at 6 hours over 2 days. Which means I can recover and get a social or other activity in a week. Which is always fun, especially getting together with family and friends. In my enthusiasm I will go over my limits on such occasions , just because it’s so good having people around. So it’s a bit of a focus this year in getting the most out of that time spent.

In this quest in staying as stable as possible , keeping myself fit is crucial , the fitter I am, the better I can cope with moments were all else fails. Purly on physical strength I can manage to stay afloat. Getting home when I miss a train, It’s way too busy or if I simply forget too rest enough.

Periods in which I could exercise less my overall functionality and recovery was way off. It took ages. Luckily I really enjoy my running sessions, which clear my head like nothing else. It’s the one thing I can really control which is excellent because it’s vital in my ability too function properly.

A discovery which I hadn’t made when I was in my revalidation stage , is that the left side of my body is way worse than it was before. I hadn’t noticed this because I predominately use my right. By getting into exercising and building strength on my left side, I hope too improve this.

The hard part is realizing that I am , most likely at my maximum capacity , and I now know what it takes to stay at this level. A lot of disciple , rest staying fit and planning. It’s very weird not having a full time job , bering dependent on other people for a lot of things and being restricted in crafting your own future.

Nevertheless , I am very lucky being this well off, having a lovely group of family and friends to lean on. This makes me a very happy and fortunate person. Which I am very grateful for.

For the future it’s important too find real acceptance and not too hold on too the past and the vision of getting to were I was before this happened. I have too find progression in a more natural and organic way instead of just pushing my limits.

Find the challenge in things I can control.

Februari 2019 – Option positions

Time for another update on the options trading part of my portfolio. On January the 18th all my options positions endend worthless. Which was fine by me because I wrote them, so all the premium was collected. The total for January is 19,14 , which is not a lot but it’s the first run of the experiment, so I am very cautious.

For the expiration on the 15th of March the following positions have been added. Writing 2 calls on parts of my positions in BAM and Aegon, which will bring in 20 euro’s and some sold puts on Philips. I was a little too late for Februari, so March it was.

I have adjusted the table accordingly for a complete overview of all my trades so far. Now it’s a matter of getting more knowledge about riks and modeling risk in order too get more out of it. For now I will remain at my 100% covered strategy. And as all learning and reading goes extremely slow in my case, this will probably stay that way for a while.

Total for January : 19,14

Date position openOption QuantityPriceTotal amountBuy / Sell End dateTransaction costs
Open/ClosedResult
03-01-2019Ahold Delhaize Put 19.00 18 January 201914,004,00Sell18-01-20190,85Closed3,15
18-12-2108Bam Put 2.20 18 January 201915,005,00Sell18-01-20190,85Closed4,15
5-12-2018Philips Put 29.00 18 January 2019 113,0013,00Sell18-01-20190,85Closed12,15
04-01-2019Aegon Call 4,50 15 March 2019210,0020,00Sell15-03-20191,7Open
07-01-2019BAM Call 3,00 15 March 2019210,0020,00Sell15-03-20191,7Open
22-01-2019Philips Put 24,00 15 March 201917,007,00Sell15-03-20190,85Open
30-01-2019Philips Put 30,00 15 March 2019120,0020,00Sell15-03-20190,85Open